Funny how the blog on dualism (see previous post) popped up on my Facebook register today. Not just funny. Providential. Most days, like today, Facebook is a mixed bag for me. It brings good news of family and friends, but it also brings ample opportunity to compare myself and surroundings with others' seemingly more pleasant ones. Today was a day for both. The first go-round on said site found me mourning the frequent posts displaying my also pregnant friends in cute, modern maternity clothes with their well-balanced, varied meals also making a showing through photos. Confession: it is an indication of just how normal and unsanctified missionaries are when you realize that this one was nearly overcome by covetousness upon seeing a piece of grilled salmon on a dinner plate.
I walked to my already cooked and served-to-my-table meal of mutton curry, rice, and pepper sauce with a heart that was much less full of gratitude than it should have been. Which of these other darling pregnant friends can enjoy the privilege of having a meal a day cooked AND delivered to her dining room table? Still, the irony took a while to settle in. Just yesterday I spoke at a weekly ladies prayer meeting from Psalms 16 and 73, beginning by saying I was speaking with a bit of trepidation knowing that everything I've shared from Scripture so far after arriving here has been put to the test in my personal life nearly immediately afterward. Yesterday God's Spirit was weighing the truth of His sufficiency heavily on my heart. It's something I've been pondering for about a week now, each time I come against something that limits me here. Limitations seem to abound: limited energy (thanks to heat and pregnancy), limited food options, limited wardrobe, limited language, etc. In those moments, the Spirit of God keeps asking me in the midst of my inward chafing against the boundaries that He has drawn for me, "Am I enough for you in this limitation, even if there is never any change in your circumstance?"
Psalm 73 begins with the writer affirming God's goodness as general knowledge of His character toward His people, but quickly belies his doubt about God's goodness to him personally. In the end, after time in God's presence (vv.16-17), he realizes that GOD is his good (vv. 26, 28). Perhaps, no likely, it was the mercy of God to allow the writer's longing for something more or better in his circumstances to remain unsatisfied in order to create in him an appreciation for the goodness to be found in the nearness of God's presence. While reading through this passage in preparation to share, the Spirit reminded me of similar ideas in Psalm 16, in which David confesses, "I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you'" (v.1). He continues, "The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. . ." (vv.5-6). He recognizes that it is God who holds and gives all of his "lot in life," everything that comes into his life. It is the Lord who draws the lines and the boundaries. The very boundaries I have often found to be constraining and wished weren't there are the very boundaries which my good God has drawn for me at this time. David could, after seeing God truly, call life within these multiple boundaries "pleasant places."
When God in his mercy brings me to a point where I see these truths, the question rings in my ears, "Do I love my God, or do I love God plus ____?" I find I love variety and options. In the end, most times the very limitation of those options is for my good, causing me to rediscover and say like Asaph of Psalm 73, "Your nearness is my good." May we live as though His steadfast love is truly better than life or anything in it.
I walked to my already cooked and served-to-my-table meal of mutton curry, rice, and pepper sauce with a heart that was much less full of gratitude than it should have been. Which of these other darling pregnant friends can enjoy the privilege of having a meal a day cooked AND delivered to her dining room table? Still, the irony took a while to settle in. Just yesterday I spoke at a weekly ladies prayer meeting from Psalms 16 and 73, beginning by saying I was speaking with a bit of trepidation knowing that everything I've shared from Scripture so far after arriving here has been put to the test in my personal life nearly immediately afterward. Yesterday God's Spirit was weighing the truth of His sufficiency heavily on my heart. It's something I've been pondering for about a week now, each time I come against something that limits me here. Limitations seem to abound: limited energy (thanks to heat and pregnancy), limited food options, limited wardrobe, limited language, etc. In those moments, the Spirit of God keeps asking me in the midst of my inward chafing against the boundaries that He has drawn for me, "Am I enough for you in this limitation, even if there is never any change in your circumstance?"
Psalm 73 begins with the writer affirming God's goodness as general knowledge of His character toward His people, but quickly belies his doubt about God's goodness to him personally. In the end, after time in God's presence (vv.16-17), he realizes that GOD is his good (vv. 26, 28). Perhaps, no likely, it was the mercy of God to allow the writer's longing for something more or better in his circumstances to remain unsatisfied in order to create in him an appreciation for the goodness to be found in the nearness of God's presence. While reading through this passage in preparation to share, the Spirit reminded me of similar ideas in Psalm 16, in which David confesses, "I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you'" (v.1). He continues, "The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. . ." (vv.5-6). He recognizes that it is God who holds and gives all of his "lot in life," everything that comes into his life. It is the Lord who draws the lines and the boundaries. The very boundaries I have often found to be constraining and wished weren't there are the very boundaries which my good God has drawn for me at this time. David could, after seeing God truly, call life within these multiple boundaries "pleasant places."
When God in his mercy brings me to a point where I see these truths, the question rings in my ears, "Do I love my God, or do I love God plus ____?" I find I love variety and options. In the end, most times the very limitation of those options is for my good, causing me to rediscover and say like Asaph of Psalm 73, "Your nearness is my good." May we live as though His steadfast love is truly better than life or anything in it.
This reduces me to tears.
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